Waterfall
by nakanaka
Summary: Crack one-shot, the weapons and meisters play the drinking game Kings and LULZ ENSUE. This was a lot of fun to think up! Some Soul/Maka Black Star/Tsubaki Kid/Liz/Patty and lots of language and alcohol and sex jokes. Read and review?


AN: The lovely alarosa gave me a Maka/Soul prompt on Friday: Waterfall. It turned into this. Mucho thanks to alarosa & her roommate Shannon for inspiration and imagination and all the "shooting star" jokes I could ever hope for. Cheers! See if you can catch all of the super special awesome references I made. If you watch YouTube half as much as I do you'll find it amusing.

PS I know they live in possibly Japan and wouldn't drink Rockstar and get American jokes but it's funny so deal.

* * *

"Let's get fucked UP!" Black Star grinned, raising his can in the air. Soul's joined his, then he tipped it back, only to spit the mildly greenish liquid back into his can. Well, more around his can than in it.

"What the fuck _is_ this?!" he coughed and made a face. "It tastes like Kid took a shit on Patty's crayons! Not cool at all."

"I fucking love coloring!" shouted Patty, her cheeks slightly pinker than usual, while Maka muttered, "Looks like it too."

"Excuse me?" Kid retorted. Before he could prepare a properly scathing response, he was interrupted as Liz's sniggering turned into loud pig snorts.

"He—even—shits—symme—tri—cal—"

"This!" declared Black Star, standing before the group with one hand on his hip and the other brandishing a bright green can, "is the great Black Star's patented BIG 'Jungle Juice'! It gets you drunk enough to surpass God!"

"I didn't know God got drunk?" whispered mostly-sober Maka to suspiciously-cheerful Tsubaki.

"Does it have to taste so bad? What's in it anyway?" Soul asked skeptically.

"Only the greatest liquids known to man!"

"Which are?"

"Rum, vodka, Ramune, and…" Black Star checked the label of the can he was holding, "Citrus lime Rockstar!"

Maka, Soul, and Liz made gagging noises; Death the Kid's eyebrows were so furrowed they looked like they would snap; Tsubaki coughed politely.

"Sky is still fucking blue!" Patty cheered. "Gimme some more!"

Black Star wagged his finger at her. "That's not how we play!"

While she pouted, Kid asked a little apprehensively, "So how exactly do we play?"

"It's a drinking game," Black Star answered with a wicked gleam in his eye. "KINGS!"

"That doesn't explain anything," Maka pointed out, watching the can as Black Star threatened to spill it with his bold gestures.

"It goes like this," began Soul, taking over. "We go around and each take a card from the circle. Depending what card it is, we play different games involving—" and Soul waggled his can of "Jungle Juice."

"We'll learn as we go," Maka said hurriedly. "Let's just get this over with."

"A little eager, are we?" Soul asked in a smooth voice.

"Fine by me!" declared Black Star, plopping down between Soul and Tsubaki to complete the circle of meisters and weapons. He reached into the center and pulled one playing card from the ring around a plastic cup.

"Three! That means the BIG me gets to take a drink!" And Black Star promptly tipped back his can.

"Not so fast, Black Star," cautioned Tsubaki. "Soul, would you like to go next?"

"Sure," he grinned mischievously and took a card. "Seven… What's seven again?"

"Heaven!" yelled Black Star, raising both hands in the air and almost dropping his drink. Soul copied him and one by one the others realized they should follow suit.

"Maka! Maka you were last!" yelled Black Star and Soul, pointing fingers.

"What? No, Patty was!" she protested.

"Sky's still blue motherfucker!" shouted Patty with her hands waving as if she was on a rollercoaster.

"Sorry Maka," said Liz morbidly. "You were last. You gotta drink."

"W-what?" Maka's nose wrinkled as she eyed Black Star's concoction. "Do I have to?"

"No worries!" Liz assured her, "You can have some of mine!" She handed her a plastic cup brimming with a strong-smelling amber liquid.

"What's this?"

"Drink it!"

Maka obeyed, handing the cup back after a sip and grimacing at the taste. "That is _awful_."

Liz laughed so hard she snorted. Black Star cut in, "Now, Maka, _you_ must draw a card!"

Frowning, she reached to grab a card from the other side of the circle, as if that would give her better luck. "What does five mean?"

"Guys!" chorused Soul and Black Star, tilting back their cups, Soul a little less enthusiastically than his taste-bud-devoid friend. Death the Kid's eyes shifted back and forth as if he hoped he'd been forgotten.

He hadn't. "Kid-kun, you have to drink too!" Liz nudged him.

"You're a man, aren't you?" challenged Black Star.

Kid's eyebrow twitched but he sipped some of his drink.

"What is that anyway?" Soul asked, leaning to peer over the edge of Kid's cup.

"Gin and tonic," he replied curtly.

"Where'd you get _that_?"

Kid tipped back his cup rather than answer.

"That makes it my turn!" Liz reached for a card and pulled up a queen. "Questions, guys!"

"Questions?" echoed Tsubaki.

"You have to respond to everything in the form of a question. If you don't, you have to drink! Got it?" Liz leered at Tsubaki across the circle.

"I-uh, are we playing now?" Tsubaki asked diplomatically.

"Does it seem like we're playing now?" Liz shot back, but this time to Kid.

"What's going on?" Patty asked aloud.

"Can your face get any redder?" he replied.

"Can your hair get any less symmetrical?"

Kid's face darkened, so to avert a crisis Liz turned on Maka. "Are you going to drink or not?"

"Do you have anything that doesn't taste like vomit?"

"Have you ever tasted vomit?"

"What does vomit taste like?" Patty announced.

Laughing, Maka turned to Soul: "Speaking of vomit, remember when you got really sick that weekend--?"

"Do we have to talk about that now?" he grumbled.

"Didn't you ask me to--?" she teased.

He answered loudly, cheeks reddening, "Didn't I tell you never to mention that to anybody?!"

"What did you say?" Black Star questioned excitedly.

"What did he say?" echoed Patty.

"Aren't we good at this, Liz?" Soul interjected to change the topic.

"When's someone going to ask me a question?" Black Star pouted.

"What are we doing?" Patty was beginning to whine impatiently.

"Patty, do you never get anything?" sighed Liz.

"Huh?"

"Ha! You lost!" Black Star yelled emphatically, pointing at her. "Kid's turn!"

"No, Black Star, _you_ lost," Liz corrected with a devious smile. "Technically Patty asked a question."

"No she didn't!" Black Star's overzealous defense was soothed by Tsubaki, but Soul jumped to his defense as well.

"'Huh' is not a question, that doesn't count."

"You heard her voice rise up at the end, didn't you?" Liz replied.

"Just drink, Black Star. Patty doesn't need any more alcohol," sighed Death the Kid.

"What are you talking about? Are we still playing?" asked Patty four times louder than necessary.

"Why don't you both drink?" suggested Tsubaki, eager as always to please everyone. "That's the point of the game isn't it?"

That seemed to be a suitable solution, and Patty and Black Star weren't the only ones who took penalty shots. Maka was offered some of Tsubaki's wine, which seemed a little more to her liking.

Kid drew another seven and was so preoccupied by its glaring asymmetry that he lost and had to drink again. Patty got a six, so the girls drank—a little less reluctantly this time around.

Tsubaki picked a jack. "What does this one mean?" Patty laughed obnoxiously at her own private joke.

"Jack: make a rule. We all have to follow it, and it can be anything you want," explained Soul.

"_Please_ do something good," begged Liz. "I can't tell you how many times Patty has forgotten 'the little man.'"

Patty began to cry hysterically.

"She thinks he's a real person," Liz explained, shaking her head sadly.

"He's not?!" Kid asked, horrified.

"I've got something," Tsubaki announced with a smile. "Every time you draw a card, everyone has to say something nice about you."

Black Star frowned. "That rule sucks."

"I think it's sweet," Maka defended, offering Tsubaki a reassuring look.

"I'm guessing you have a better idea?" Tsubaki said, apparently not offended.

He nodded with the serious intensity of one who believes he is completely sober, but is in reality far from it. "Truth. Or. Dare."

"Oh no!!" Patty clapped her hands to the sides of her face.

"Cool idea," Soul approved. "'Kay, everytime you draw…spades, you get to ask someone truth or dare."

"All right then, Black Star!" Tsubaki turned to him with a bubbly smile. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare, of course," he answered. "The great Black Star never backs down from any challenge! Am I not the man who surpassed God?"

Liz laughed evilly. "If you've surpassed God, then you'll have no problem _kissing Tsubaki_."

Black Star's expression was not unlike a deer in headlights. Tsubaki might normally have turned bright red and dug him out of trouble, but as she was already bright red, she just giggled incessantly. Her cup was more half empty than half full.

"Woah, woah," said Maka quickly, ready to jump to her friend's defense.

"Cool, this should be interesting," Soul laughed.

"_Chuu, chuu_!" Patty made kissing noises.

"You sound like a train, not a kiss!" Kid slurred.

Ignoring her obsessive neighbor, Liz fixed her slightly cross-eyed gaze on the paralyzed Black Star. "I double-triple-super-quadruple-dog DARE you. Now you _have_ to do it!"

Black Star turned rigidly to Tsubaki, who blinked at him and giggled uncertainly. The group watched him move closer to her centimeter by centimeter while Patty made train noises.

"Hurry up already!" Soul said impatiently, giving Black Star what he intended as a nudge in the back, but ended up as a rather forceful shove. Caught off guard, Black Star fell forward abruptly; had Tsubaki been the shorter one, they probably would have conked heads; as it was, he landed face first in her cleavage.

"Woops," said Soul innocently, but he made no attempt to pull his friend backwards. Maka gasped in shock, Patty's train noises turned into hiccups of laughter, and Liz smirked triumphantly. Hastily Black Star sat back up, blushing.

"Are they symmetrical?" asked Death the Kid in a not-so-discreet whisper, prompting a disapproving glare from Maka.

Tsubaki's cheeks looked like they might conduct electricity. Giving Black Star a meaningful look, she asked in what she must also have assumed was a more discreet whisper than it was, "Did you—Was that your…?"

Black Star broke into a guilty but proud grin. Tsubaki tried to secretly wipe in between her breasts, but the motion caught Patty's attention and she leaned over, trying to see down Tsubaki's top.

"Anyway," said Soul loudly, flipping over the king of hearts. "Fitting."

"What's kings?" Maka asked, nervousness dulled by her drink.

"Never have I ever. Put up both hands," Soul said, reaching over to grab her hand and raise them for her. Maka's cheeks turned slightly pinker.

"Okay then, never have I ever…learned how to bake a cake. Now you've done that, Maka, so you have to put one finger down."

"No, Patty, you only put down one finger."

Maka took a deep breath and announced, "Never have I ever…failed an exam!" Everyone but her put a finger down.

"What? You too, Tsubaki?" Maka asked in shock. Tsubaki hung her head in shame.

Liz sat up to her full height as she declared, "Never have I ever kissed my partner."

Death the Kid looked reasonably surprised at her choice, but all nine of his fingers remained up. Soul and Maka simultaneously froze but flushed visibly.

Black Star asked, "Does what I just did count? Should I put down one or two?"

Suddenly Tsubaki broke out into such uncontrollable laughter that she toppled over backwards onto the floor, out of sight. Patty thought this was so hilarious that she followed suit.

When everyone was back in an upright position, Death the Kid said, "Never have I ever touched a shoujo manga." Liz put down a finger and lowered one on Patty's hand as well.

"I read it to her," she explained.

Tsubaki and Maka put down one finger each…and so did Black Star.

"What?! Black Star?!" they cried in amazement.

Black Star hung his head in shame.

"That's so uncool."

Patty hummed as she thought, then said, "Never have I ever thrown my clothes out a window, painted myself blue, run naked in public yelling at the top of my lungs, wielding a weapon!"

Silence.

Liz sighed. "Yes you have, Patty."

"Oh, yeah!" she giggled.

"Black Star, why do you only have one finger up?" asked Soul, concerned.

He gave his signature laugh. "It was Halloween!"

Maka looked at Tsubaki in horror, who shook her head hastily. "I wasn't there!"

Liz raised an eyebrow skeptically. "What weapon were you wielding then?"

He puffed out his chest as he answered, "The BIGgest weapon of all!"

"Excalibur?" asked Kid.

Tsubaki laughed, "That's not its name!"

"My 'Shooting Star'!" declared Black Star.

Soul spewed his drink all over the floor. "Your WHAT?! Aww, duuuude…"

"Not Excalibur?" asked Kid.

"It has a _special move_," Black Star continued, before Soul Maka-chopped him over the head.

"Tsubaki, your turn."

"Wait, Tsubaki!" Maka cried, glancing at her own eight fingers up, "you have four fingers down already?"

"I-I failed the exam, remember?"

"Yeah, but…huh. What were the other ones? The cake, the exam…Patty's…"

Tsubaki said quickly, "Never have I ever had a pet."

Soul chuckled. "Does Blair count?"

"She has boobs, so no," slurred Liz.

"Nyaa," purred Patty.

"Black Star?" prompted Tsubaki, anxious to move on.

His expression was one of the utmost concentration, but it wasn't clear what exactly he was concentrating on. Possibly sitting upright.

"Uh, how about Black Star's is 'never have I ever collected a soul. Ever.'" Soul's demonic grin was a little dulled, but everyone except Black Star and Tsubaki put down a finger.

He continued, "Never have _I_ ever…cried while watching a movie."

Black Star shouted suddenly, "Wait, you guys skipped me!"

"Skip to the loo!" cheered Patty.

Ignoring them, the girls all put down fingers (Patty cried when Bambi's mother died) and Death the Kid gave a hasty explanation of the tears of joy that had streamed down his face when he had gazed upon the black-and-white-haired perfectionist Sweeney Todd.

"We are kindred spirits," he said in a voice heavy with emotion. "Except for the part with Sacha Baron Cohen. That part was an abomination…"

Maka began, "Never have I ever—"

"Hey Black Star," Soul interrupted, "you just lost."

Black Star somehow blushed further. "N-no I didn't! A BIG man like me would never cry at a movie!"

His friend's red eyes narrowed accusingly. "When Bruce Willis died at the end of _Sixth Sense_?"

"You TRAITOR!" Black Star yelled, but dropped his hands.

"Really? You _cried_?" teased Maka.

Patty made mock crying noises.

"Did you cry during _The Fifth Element_ too?" asked Death the Kid.

"No! That movie's not even sad!"

"You're so cuuuuute," laughed Tsubaki.

"Am not!" he pouted grumpily. "Maka, pick a fucking card."

"Jeez, no need for F-bombs, BS," she answered, drawing an eight.

"Date," explained Liz, as if the word was difficult to say. "Pick someone to drink with."

She hesitated, looking at the floor shyly, before lightly nudging Soul with her shoulder. He smirked, muttered something involving the word "cool" and together they tipped their drinks back.

To Liz's delight, she drew a three, and to Kid's, he pulled an eight. He stared at the card with tears welling in his eyes for a solid minute before he realized the group was trying to grab his attention.

"You drew a spades," Liz said, swaying slightly. "Truth or dare time!"

"Liz, you can't 'draw a spades,'" Maka corrected, but she was ignored.

"Truth," answered Kid, his anxiety lessened.

"The Ultimate Question!" announced Black Star. "If you had to do your partner_s_, who would you do? Or would you do both? How would you make it symmetrical?"

Death the Kid sputtered in protest, "You can't ask me that! What kind of question is that? It wouldn't be symmetrical at all!"

Liz was laughing so hard she snorted repeatedly, but Patty scolded, "No, Kid-kun, you have to answer the truth!"

Kid blushed faintly and muttered, "Well…I suppose it would have to be…symmetrical, so…"

"You _would_ do both of them? Not bad," laughed Black Star before being poked reproachfully by Tsubaki.

"Two at a time? Pretty cool, Kid," agreed Soul, receiving a Maka-chop.

When Patty drew a six, Liz looked at her cup disapprovingly. "I finished it all," she moaned. "Patty, give me some of yours."

Watching the two girls share one cup, Soul and Black Star exchanged sickened looks.

Tsubaki drew a four; Soul and Black Star were too busy with their meaningful looks to touch the floor in time, so they both drank.

And then it was back to Black Star's turn. "Ace of spades!" he sang.

"Waterfall!" cheered Soul and Liz, who were the only ones who knew what it meant (though Patty yelled for the hell of it).

"What's that?" asked a bubbly Maka.

"The great Black Star will start the waterfall! The next person can't stop drinking until I do and the _next_ person can't stop until they do. Means the last person gets FUUUUCKED!" He threw Soul a wicked glance.

"FUUUCKED!" echoed Patty.

"This isn't going to end well," moaned Death the Kid.

"Not for Soul, it's not! Have fun being last!" laughed Black Star, and tipped back his drink.

Soul followed suit without noticing his friend's error, and one by one the waterfall began. Black Star had nearly chugged his entire drink when he noticed a hand waving in his peripheral. Tsubaki gestured frantically to herself, and he looked around—shit! Soul wasn't last, the circle went the other way! Tsubaki was at the end of the waterfall! Instantly he put his cup down, and Soul rather thankfully followed suit. Maka gasped for air, then Liz finally put her drink down; Kid had cheated and stopped early. Ignorant as always, Patty decided to down her entire drink, while Tsubaki was forced to follow. Her entire cup was empty when Patty finally gave up.

"Tsubaki, are you all right?" Maka asked, her concern managing to come through despite a strong buzz.

"Woo!" Tsubaki cheered. "Way to screw me over guys! I mean, really, Black Star?"

"Sorry! I thought Soul was—"

"Don't lie, you want her drunk," Soul teased, but Maka smacked the back of his head and he swayed, laughing, and tottered backwards into Maka's lap. She didn't seem to mind.

"Soul's gone," observed Liz. "I think the game's over. Unless Black Star wants to lose at Never Have I Ever again?"

"THE GREAT BLACK STAR NEVER LOSES! I WILL SURPASS GOD AT NEVER HAVE I EVER! AND THEN I WILL ASSASSINATE YOU! YA-HOO!"

* * *

Spirit knew he had made some bad choices in his life. Many of them involving breasts. And alcohol, but also breasts. There was something about a good pair of perky breasts that got his blood flowing in a way that nothing else did. So when Blair asked him if he would buy her some alcohol for a party she was having later, he couldn't say no.

Especially when she invited him to drop by later.

He had dropped off the wine, vodka, and rum—as well as some Ramune, bit of an odd mix—earlier, but thought it would be safe to stop by and enjoy the festivities now, when Maka should be in bed. He loved his daughter dearly, and knew it hurt her to see him fraternizing with women, but he simply couldn't resist.

Spirit hummed a cheerful but repetitive tune not unlike Excalibur's song as he knocked on the door and strolled into the room. "Blair-chan? Where is my favorite kitty cat?"

The scene before him registered in his brain, and his heart nearly stopped.

Liz and Patty sprawled topless across an also unconscious Death the Kid; bottles and cups and cards littered the floor, and some of the furniture had been knocked over. Someone had drawn a lot of stars on the walls in black marker. What looked like Black Star's shirt was on the floor in front of the bathroom, but neither the blue-haired assassin or his weapon were anywhere to be seen.

More importantly, neither were Soul and Maka.

Spirit's stomach dropped as he dashed into Maka's bedroom yelling, "MAKAAA! PAPA'S COMING!"

His worst fears were realized when he saw the two of them on Maka's bed—but they were clothed. Soul was missing a shirt and had been decorated all over with black marker; Maka's vest was gone, her hair was a mess, and her shirt missing a button or two, but she looked otherwise unravished. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully, and he breathed easier again.

"Papa, Blair-chan was wondering where you were! Come on, let's go to your place tonight!" Blair spun him around, giving him an eyeful of her abundant cleavage, and tugged him out the door.

* * *

AN: Hope you liked it! Now, in the review section, throw me some morning-after realizations! Anything goes! For example:

--Kid wakes up to find himself suffocated by ASYMMETRICAL BREASTS OH THE HORROR

--Tsubaki and Black Star as Aladdin and Jasmine: "I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far, I can't go back to where I used to be"

--Soul finds awkward designs on his body

Please be more creative than me! This was lulzy so let's keep 'em coming ahahaha


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